Ouch and GOOD JOB dad!

So a few quick bits of randomness...

I've been waiting forever for my insurance at work to kick in. They could never tell me what the price or coverage would be because the were going to change the policy. I finally found out. $97 per paycheck for me, $355 per paycheck for my family, yes you heard me- $700 PER MONTH with a $2000 deductible for each person. Ouch no thank you. I have to get it for me for the unknown fertility coverage but no way for Abby and Ernie. Pretty bummed about this news.

On the fabulous news- Congratulations Ern- he got an A in his Forensic pathology class. Now we have the countdown for his really hard histology class. Let's all pray he did real well.

And I have a few posts to catchup, but not right now. We went to Kalahari waterpark this weekend with the Mirci's and had a blast. Tomorrow I'm having a little dinner at my house, and then of course Christmas.

The Life of the Anovulatory

Today is a terrible day. I took a HPT test this morning and it was negative. Mind you, this is a regular occurrence over the last 2 years. But this month (okay last 7 weeks really) have seemed a little different. I've been patiently waiting for something to be different, but it's not. It's the same, only worse. I've been trying to let my body work, I've been giving it time. Until now, I haven't been stressing- I'm 3 weeks later than a "normal" cycle.

I despise feeling like crap over this. I wish I could change how I feel. I wish I could just be happy with what I have, but I can't, I'm not. I'm tired of obsessing over every body twinge, every ache, every could be symptom. I'm tired of my body playing tricks on me. I'm tired of seeing babies and big pregnant bellies everywhere I go, as if it was a reminder to me that I don't have that. Church was especially hard today. I'm tired of pretending everything is okay, it's not.

I'm tired of living my life because of the what ifs... I don't want to buy new clothes because what if?... I didn't fill out my insurance papers because what if?...I plan my future based on my what ifs- foster care, adoption, what if? I'm tired of crying myself to sleep.

I'm tired.

I don't want anything but a baby. Ernie asks me what I want for Christmas and I can't come up with a single thing.

I go to the specialist Jan 8th. I can't wait.

Abby Dancing

Abby had a music performance at her pre-school. It was really fun to watch the kids dancing as the teacher led them with different melodies and beats (leading to actions). Abby was doing a good job switching when the teacher prompted them with the music so she got to do a little solo around the circle showing how good she was at switching from front to back.

A blast from the past!

I found these pictures on the computer the other day and just thought I'd share! Abby was about 7 months old:

Which one?

So I bought some Holiday Plates and some chargers, I just can't decide which one looks the best. I'm enlisting your help!

Silver Plate with Red Cloth

Silver Plate with Blue Cloth

Red Plate with Silver Cloth

Red Plate with Red Cloth

HELP!

So Abby is sick, again. Well sort of- She has a cough, and during the night wakes up with really high fevers (last night topped 103.1). But during the day she is happy, full of energy and no fever...

This same thing happened just after Thanksgiving. 3 nights in a row. Currently she has had 2 nights.

The worst thing is that she can't go to school, which means I can't go to work. Ern usually can help out but he is stuck in the middle of finals this week. And I only had 3 personal days in my first 90 days- so right now I'm even unpaid.

Do I take her to the doctor? (also no insurance, dang those 90 days) I would if I really knew there was something they could do. But I hate to pay the money just for them to say- "it's only a virus".

Any words of advice?

On a postive note, my house is super shiny- I've done tons of cleaning. And I was needing a vacation from work.

One more...

Does anyone's else's kids play like this?

And lastly, more pictures of Abby.

Here is Abby in her new Christmas Dress. So cute, too bad you didn't get a shot of her sparkly silver high heels. And Ern's been playin' with the pictures of our tree- here's a new one.

I saw Diane kissing Santa Claus...

We had our Ward Christmas Party on Friday. It was a lot of fun. I'm still amazed we fit everyone in there (for those who don't go to church with me we have THE smallest church) Every Sunday we are busting at the seams. But we managed to fit and have fun. Of course the highlight was Santa Claus (aka Joe Mirci). Abby thought he was the GREATEST thing ever. He was pretty great. He came in the room and started calling the kids by their names and telling them whether they've been good or not. Somehow Abby managed to get on the good list.

Here's a few good shots!

Abby really liked Santa, she told him she wanted a Pet Shop.

Here's Bill!

Abby and her friend Taylor

And here's Cameron too!